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What parenting ideas can bring peace to the home?
If you ask anyone who has more than one child to name the most persistent and annoying issue that parents face, the answer is consistently, ?How to stop kids fighting.?? The problem begins in the nursery when dethroned Prince Toddler discovers that he can make Baby Princess cry by taking away her binky.? Some experts suggest that sibling rivalry is inevitable and that it teaches people how NOT to get along with their spouses. Of course, not all kids are the same, and sibling rivalry doesn?t play out the same way in every household.? Nevertheless, there are some strategies that parents can use to reduce the conflicts.
Set consequences for kids fighting
The first is to develop meaningful consequences delivered in a calm, empathetic voice when the yelling and crying begins.? Examples:? ?I?m sorry that you two can?t decide whose turn it is to play with that toy.? I guess I will have to put the toy somewhere else until you decide how to share it fairly.?? The toy may go into the same stash of toys that you confiscated after they ?forgot? to clean up last week.? They make great presents for next Christmas!
Separate them when conflicts and sibling rivalry starts
?I?ve been thinking that you two seem to fight more when you are tired.? I think you both will feel a lot better after you take a little rest in your rooms.?? This may bring out more whining and begging until you suggest that rest time begins when they are quiet in their rooms.? It doesn?t take long for them to learn that they are in control of how long they stay in their room and if they need another rest in the near future.
Sending them to their room works well, except when a conflict takes place in the car.? The objective of the parent is to tell the children what she is going to do rather than what they have to do.? For example, ?I will be stopping the car until I hear only peaceful noises in the back seat.?? This works especially well if you are taking them somewhere important to them.? Otherwise, ?Your arguing is draining my energy.? When we get home I have some jobs that you may have to do for me before you have dinner.?
Give them ideas to stop family arguing
Children can be taught to resolve their own conflicts.? When they are both in a calm state, establish some ground rules for family behavior:? No putdowns, no name calling and no physical contact.? Talk to them about ideas for taking turns by using a timer or flipping a coin.? Agree to reward them if they can compromise on an issue rather than arguing or whining to Mom.???? Practice role playing conflict resolution skills.? They can use feeling words or simply say,?? ?I don?t like it when you _____? and I wish that ____.? Teach them to brainstorm for a solution such as, ?I?ll agree to _____ if you?ll agree to ____.?
Some children may have similar personalities and get along great, except when Mom is around.? In that case, try locking yourself in the bathroom just after you tell them to do their arguing in the basement.? As long as you know that they are physically safe, it may go a long way to preserving your sanity.
Try these ideas, and one day you may wake up and hear strange noises in the house ? peaceful noises.? They may not always agree, but kids can learn to replace sibling rivalry with the fine art of civility.? For more practical tips and hundreds of personalized parenting resources, visit www.kidtelligent.com.
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